I’m not sure if I seem like an open and gregarious person or not, but I’m not. In fact, I can be rather closed off and secretive. Sun and Ascendent in Scorpio, I can be a mean, arrogant user, conniving, vindictive and evil. That I choose not to manifest the lower characteristics of my solar sign on a more consistent basis speaks to the environmental effects of early childhood training, young adulthood exploration, and mid-adulthood study and practice.
The astrological signs are templates. They are descriptive of the electromagnetic patterns that our fetuses were imprinted with at conception, placing us within defined and very real personality complexes that have been recognized for Ages. As with all things material and worldly, their boundaries are placed in order to be overcome. Yes, these boundaries are extra-planetary, having to do with the emanations from the sun primarily and the planets secondarily, but they are also representative of physical, emotional and mental traits that provide us each with the opportunity to hone our spiritual skillsets in the transcention thereof. Overcoming, transcending boundaries, is something that we all have to do, sometimes. Be they personal or collective.
But in the spirit of moving forward, experiences, lifestyles, must evolve. Places, people and things must be integrated, processed, synthesized to fit into our chosen worldviews. The nature of that integration determines our emotional responses, which then usually lead to some sort of outbursts, which have their own inevitable results. A succession of experiences, places, feelings, or thoughts creates habits and patterns of travel, expression and intellect.
Once we reach the place where all of these things coalesce and find ourselves at the apex of that particular collection of responses, we find ourselves also in a crossroads situation. Some crossroads take seconds or minutes, others take days, weeks or years. But there is always a point that we can look back on and say, “There, that is where and when I made this decision that has resulted in these ramifications.”
I’ve made decisions that cannot be taken back. So have you. Many of us waste precious time regreting them. But what is the alternative? I submit it is the above-mentioned process of integration and synthesis. Our experiences create a holistic reality in which, in any moment, we are simultaneously a collection of experiences and a totally new Being. We can choose any response, and yet we often stick to our patterned and practiced perceptive tropes, resulting in predictably banal lifestyle choices and experiential cul de sacs that leave our lives staid and boring, yet relatively safe and comfortable. Comfort and habit sooth us. Provide an illusory framework of stability and safety that just does not truly exist outside of our own perception. Ignorance is truly bliss.
Am I the sum of my choices? Yes and no. My choices are the culmination of the evolution of my ego complex, Mark/Rahkyt. As such, they are illusory, temporal and ephemeral. Yes, in the world of Mark/Rahkyt, all that I choose is part of who I am. But no, beyond Mark/Rahkyt lies the Spirit whose incarnation Mark/Rahkyt chose these particular decisions, and decided upon courses of action which led to the present moment. To that eternal, limitless entity, Mark/Rahkyt is a drop in the bucket, one incarnation of an infinite array of conscious expressions, and as such, far beyond being limited by the sum of a particular incarnation’s choices.
We’re supposed to cultivate the eternal. Be that which lies beyond the ego, beyond me, beyond you. The more we cultivate it, the more detached we become in relation to the world and all in it. The more connected we become to that which lies beyond, that which is more real, more stable. In the shifting sands of choice and karmic culpability, only that which provides us with solace lasts. Only that which lifts us up, allows us to see past the facade of the lives we’ve created, holds value. Only that which speaks to the best in us, can reflect the truth of us. And only that which opens us up to larger issues, taking us out of ourselves and into the greater world, can promise us a better way of living, thinking and loving.
And we all need a better way of loving. The way we love others, as an expression of life and our ideas about who we are and what we want, is an excellent indicator of the things we need to change about ourselves in order to become more holistic individuals. In order to integrate all of the disparate personalities and sides of ourselves, becoming more consistent in our visualizations of who we are and what we want. Realizing, after the fact, that we’ve presented a false face to the world that has resulted in us achieving the goal that we created that face for is bittersweet when we find ourselves hating our achievements and lifestyles, knowing that they are not the true expression of our innermost selves.
It doesn’t take much to see who we are or how others see us. All we have to do is take the time to examine our interactions and our self-perception. Other peoples responses, as well as a dissection of our inner-dialogue – the continuously running voice that keeps up the chatter in our heads – will show us, often uncomfortably, exactly the person other people see us to be. In fact, knowing already how others see us, many choose not to do the work necessary, again choosing ignorance over sure knowledge. Wilful ignorance is the very definition of evil, as that which causes harm, misfortune or destruction.
No matter who we are right in this moment, we do not have to be that person in the next moment, or the one after that. Taking our past choices and experiences and utilizing them to gain a clear understanding of where we are right now, is the best way to transcend the need for that past, those memories, and create a new Self in this moment that is a more accurate rendition of your innermost Self, that you that you truly want the world to see. No matter what is going on in your life, or where you are, you can always make that choice and, despite how it may seem in the instant you make it – whether it results in immediate pain and heartache as the people around you rebel against your “new self” – in the end, the result always justifies the effort made, as incontrovertibly as a plant’s intake of solar energy upon the growth of the most beautiful flower in creation. A soul afire, lotus-like, ever-changing, evolving, manifesting its perfection in joyous celebration of Beingness.
The most beautiful flower in creation, therefore, is you.