True love is unconditional, but love as we live it is not. It requires Commitment and Truth, Expectations that are met, Responsibilities upheld. It requires an acknowledgement of Choice and Obligation, as well as a full accounting of one’s Actions and Motivations. To withold this accounting is to hold a part of one’s self back from the relationship, reniging on the agreement to become One from its conception.
Life’s stresses and situations create our personalities, and we live our lives oftentimes stuck in the past, oftentimes unconsciously reliving past relationships in our present ones. If those past relationships were of a negative nature, then we consciously or unconsciously attempt to protect ourselves by not being vulnerable in the same ways, which limits the possibility of the present relationship accordingly. In other words, our ability to truly unite and become One disintegrates beneath the weight of our own disfunction. When we finally realize this, it is too late to save that present relationship, as the seeds of our witholding bear withered and poisonous fruit.
Childhood relationships with parents and siblings, traumatic emotional events, the lack of love or attention, all affect these later, adult relationships, forming layer after layer of fear and doubt over our core Self, obscuring the truth of our souls even from ourselves. Successive dark nights of the soul lead to increasing inner work that results in the clearing of these layers, the recognition of their effect in our lives, revealing the shadow of a Self that we’ve long forgotten existed, that we haven’t seen since the laughing, shouting, playing days of early childhood. Exuberance and innocence mark the paths of the young and the young at heart, while fearful frailty and timidity are the hallmarks of the old and the old in experience.
Holding onto pain cubes experience, divides love in twain, split between I and me. The addition of another to the equation leads to a multiplication of disfunction squared, the remainder being a dimunition of both variables, the inevitable outcome of a zero-sum game. And yet, we continue to play, subjecting ourselves to the whims of fate and fortune, happily subjecting ourselves to the Unknown in our quest to find a Soulmate, aTwin Flame, a Significant Other.
We cannot find another till we find ourselves.
If we do find that Other, rest assured that our Self will attempt to rise through the detritus of pain and heartache. Self will attempt to fight through the negativity and fear of past experience, causing all of that to bubble to the surface in the form of renewed doubts and revisited insecurities that lead to some inevitable expression on the gross material plane, often in the form of acting out, or reverting to character, or attempting to find solace in the effects of illicit drugs, heart-numbing sex or the obliviousness of alcohol. If we didn’t do these things, we’d have to actually deal with the issues, which are often to painful to even acknowledge consciously, let alone seek after some internal form of conflict resolution.
So we percolate painfully, stewing in our own juices, presenting an even veneer to the world, hoping against hope that our internal insanities are successfully hidden from the view of others, when, so often, they are not. In fact, they form the very topography of our expressions, affect the gaity of our gaits, crease our smiles, bend our backs, wear down our joints. We become our concerns, our fears become our smiles of shocked disbelief, the quaking tone of our laughter, the subdued sullenness of our joy.
Until we choose freedom. Choose to confront the Volcanic Eruption of Disfunction, the spewing forth of pain and heartache, the closeted wail of grief and terrific anger, the unconscionable dejection of our inner rejection, pent for so long to be finally released and explored, past the dark night of the soul and into the new dawn of the spirit’s awakening. True love of another is only possible when we can truly love ourselves, and too many of us pretend we do, when we really don’t. Too many of us can remember, uncomfortably, the times when we couldn’t look at our reflection in the mirror. The times when another’s words of praise were like knives in our eyes, our weak smiles and frail acknowledgements the best we could offer in the face of such obvious lies. Standing at the pinnacle of success knowing that we are unworthy, cursing ourselves within as the accolades pile up without, the material facade of wealth a golden buddha’s masking of an inner emptiness that yawns and consumes our souls like miniscule fish within the Gulf of Innocence Lost.
Those who love us are hiding the same things that we are. Different details, perhaps, but the end result is the same. Two disfunctional individuals tearing at each other’s masks, until the underlying truth, or some facimile thereof, is exposed. And once that exposure occurs, either the relationship ends, or begins anew, under new and revised terms. One thing is certain: There is no Truth like an Inner Truth, and my truth is your truth is our truth. There is no difference, qualitatively, between the ways that we, as human beings, react to devastating emotional turmoil in our lives. Although, quantitatively, there is no question that we each receive our own quotient of experiences, of natures peculiarly designed to hone our individuated consciousnesses. Finding some middle ground and coming to an agreement with another soul on the same journey, therefore, is a miracle of happenstance that belies the casual acceptance with which we interpret our intimate relationships with others.
We ought to be greatful for each other. If you love someone, give them a hug and a kiss today, and tell them so. Love them while the loving is good, and thank Divinity for the chance to do so, knowing full well that when your relationships are tested, it will be your own intestinal fortitude that will be seared on the crucible, and the way that you react will reveal the depths of your love, and whether or not it was and is a true, unconditional expression thereof, or something lesser, and more human. And if it is lesser? Let it go, knowing that each experience brings us closer to the Ultimate, sends us soaring higher into the ranges of the Divine, experientially sober and desirous of that which we all yearn to know, a true and abiding expression of True Love, faithful and unconditional.