Subjective Perceptivity: The greenness or pinkness of love


I wonder if it is possible sometimes for people to feel things the same way; if, perchance, they have the same idea about what a feeling is, if, they experience emotions the same way. It’s like that question, does everybody see the same color red, or is my red your orange and your orange my green. The subjectivity of perception…

What does Love
mean to
You?

Is it warm and
fuzzy like a
deep, vibrant red
or does it open your
soul and go straight
to your head?

Do the fits, starts
and bumps make you
trip, fall and stump
your heart on the
hard rocks of life?

Or do the pitfalls
and pratfalls
enthrall you
then stall you
as life then
befalls you and
love’s call
leaves you…

crawling.

Bemoaning and
groaning, intoning
entreaties to G-d
to release you
(from this pain)
appease you
(in this game)
to treat you …

…as you deserve to be treated. Which is the crux of the issue, I think. My green is your pink and my intentions in Love, especially worldly, romantic Love, probably do not match yours. Why not? Because I have been socialized differently perhaps, because I have different needs and desires, different goals and wishes for my future. Because I’m a man and you’re a woman and we’re two halves of a whole, which means our perspectives come from oppositional centers, meeting at the junction of functionality and destiny. And yet, beneath the material veneer we are souls in synch, our experiences correspond and, at some level, become One Experience immeasurably intricate in nature and yet simple at the same time, expressed as a feeling, a certain knowledge that yes, this is Love, what I’m feeling, this is Love, what I’m experiencing, this is Love, what I’m giving, this is Love, what I am receiving from you.

Beyond the subjectivity of our feelings and experiences is the realization that something is missing in the common expression of the collection of emotional outbursts and social mores that ritualize the dating procedure in a modern day interpretation of primal biological and spiritual imperatives, as pheremones begin the dance of attraction and rejection, drawing biologically compatible individuals together and instigating the mating imperative. Social evolution over millenia formalized the flirting and mating process and we tread, barely cognizant of the flow of time and space, down the path followed by our ancestors, leading toward the tree, the cave, the hut, where the soft whispers of Love and desire find expression in the passing Oneness of sexual union – and, perhaps, procreation – fulfilling our quota of pleasure and desire, if only for the fleeting moments of the orgasm, also called the little death (la petite mort), for good reason.

Waking in your arms
the soft sheen of light
illuminating you
breath low, mouth
slightly open
lost
in dreams desirous of
knowledge…

I wonder you.

Touch you softly,
amazed,
dreaming your dream
in mine,
not knowing, really,
what exactly it is, I’m
trying to find.

Possessiveness, jealousy, desire and greed equates to need in the egocentric game of Love that we live, believing that we are answering the call of destiny while, in the final instance, it is the quota of Love we share that makes us memorable in the lives of others. The kind moments of selfless giving, the power of presence, of being there, supportive and open, when a friend or loved one is in need. The tumultous romances, the passionate orgies of lust and desire, pale in comparison to the quiet, simple presence of Love as expressed by true unconditionality. Usually reserved for children and old people, and strangers in extraordinary moments of release, this kind of love is the base upon which our romantic and courtly, chivalrous love is based, that which we call love but which is actually attraction cubed, since love transcends the call of the senses and takes us outside of ourselves when experienced truly, and requires us to give all of ourselves in homage to the sublime sense of awe of being in the presence of Divinity, which can, truly, be seen in the visage of another who is, truly, not other in any sense of the term.

The blessing of recognition, when another soul has been found which vibrates on the same wavelength as your own. The experiences of attraction and revulsion, as knowledge grows and we build layers upon layers of subjective conclusions based upon past experiences with others, presenting our intentions overtly and covertly, always watching, judging, counting the marks for and against, hardening and softening our hearts as we catch occasional glimpses of that love we first felt through the sharp and jagged spikes of our conditions, needs and expectations.

Can this be love
that I’m
feeling?

Is this truly love
that calls me to you,
that feels so
true?

Do you love me
the way that I love
you?

If so,
then why do I feel so
blue?

My blue is your green and we coexist in between moments of innate recognition of Divinity and Humanity, our higher urges drawn back down into the morass by our Egoic insistence upon applying past experiences to the Now. But what else can we do? How can we not judge X’s behavior by our experiences with Y, some years ago? The situation…seems…similar. So…they must be the same…right? And so we treat them the same, punishing X out of our pain caused  by Y out of fear of being denied our quota of love and rather than be hurt, we’d all rather hurt instead, isn’t that so?

Isn’t it?

Re-conditioning ourselves away from limited conceptions of Love frees us to be, frees us to experience the very essence of Creation through the awakening of the Divine within us all, that which binds us and makes us whole, which makes us, One.


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